


all the stars

by rollercoasters



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, F/M, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Trans Female Character, trans girl park jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 09:45:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18363518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollercoasters/pseuds/rollercoasters
Summary: She hated these types of days. The ones where she picked apart everything wrong with her body—every single thing.





	all the stars

**Author's Note:**

> hi gays and non cis people WELCOME ! so i have been feeling kind of dysphoric recently and i thought id get it all out in a short fic about pretty trans girl jisung (jieun) and here we are!  
> trigger warnings for mentions of dysphoria !! but thats about it! enjoy!

Jieun frowned at herself in the mirror.

She hated these types of days. The ones where she picked apart everything wrong with her body—every single thing.

She turned in the mirror, eying her flat chest and lanky form. She sighed brokenly, holding back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. She turned back, front facing the mirror, and rubbed her chest.

She hated it. Sometimes she wished she was able to gain some weight to possibly form curves or anything else that would make her look more feminine.

“Fuck,” she muttered, the first of the tears falling.

She really wished he looked like a normal girl, not a fucking skinny, lanky, flat chested boy.

Even the thought of being a boy left a bitter taste in her mouth. She wasn’t a boy—she never had been. She felt disgusted with her body, she didn’t look like all the other girls. She didn’t have long, flowing hair or curves or breasts or nice thighs or long eyelashes like other girls do. She hated it so much. She just wanted to be pretty and girly.

She forced herself to look away from the mirror and sank down in her bed. She covered her face with her hands, but the thought of her hands made her feel even worse. She sobbed, though the sound got caught in her throat and she felt like she couldn’t breathe because of it. She cried until her chest absolutely burned, but even then, she couldn’t stop.

She would never look like a girl—no one would ever accept her as a real girl and she’d have to live her life as a fucking boy. Her heart felt like it was being torn into pieces; she just wanted to be herself.

“Jisung? What’s wrong?” That name—that fucking disgusting name—only made her cry harder. Her body shook and she curled herself into a ball, crying harder.

“Fuck, hang on, I’ll get hyung.” She heard them leave—who even was it? Jaemin? Chenle? She didn’t care. She just wanted to stay in her ball and cry her heart out.

“Jieun.” That name caused her to sob, eyes squeezing shut.

“Jieun, come on. Look at me, baby.” She shook her head furiously, refusing to let him see her face like this. She’d look even uglier.

She felt him tug at her arms, not to pull them away from her face but to pull her into his chest.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

She sobbed and fell into Donghyuck’s chest, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face into his chest, letting herself cry as much as she had to. She knew Donghyuck would take care of her.

Donghyuck whispered reassuring words into the air as Jieun cried, holding her the entire time. He rubbed up and down her back, sometimes running his hands through her hair.

“Oppa,” Jieun cried, “I’ll never fucking look like a real girl. I’ll never be pretty and feminine like they are. No one will believe me.” Jieun looked up at Donghyuck when he pushed her back, leaning down to be face to face with her.

“Jieun, you’re the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen walk this planet. Hell, I’m sure you could give some of the aliens a run for their money. Gamora who? Carol Danvers who?” Jieun giggled through her tears and wiped her eyes.

“I’m not as girly as Gamora or Carol Danvers. They’re... not like me,” Jieun said sadly. Donghyuck rubbed her cheeks and smiled warmly.

“Of course they’re not like you. You’re stronger, more beautiful and the balance of fate doesn’t lie in your hands. But you’re no less of a woman than they are. You’re so pretty, Jieun. You take my breath away.” Jieun’s eyes watered again. She looked down at her lap.

“I take your breath away?” she asked, lips wobbling when Donghyuck tilted her head up to look at him.

“Every second of every day you do.” Jieun sniffed and leaned in, pressing a wet kiss on Donghyuck’s lips. “You taste like salt.”

Jieun laughed quietly and shoved Donghyuck’s shoulder. She crawled onto Donghyuck’s lap and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I love you, Hyuck,” she mumbled as she played with his hair.

“I love you more, Jieun.”

And soon, when Jieun fell asleep on Donghyuck’s lap, Donghyuck put her to bed under the covers, planting a kiss on her forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> trans girl jisung nation rise!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jenobigpup)


End file.
